KN-005: Hell, Jail and Yale

When we asked Michael to share for Kennel night, we didn’t really know his story yet. It was because we intuitively felt, through conversations with him and his presence in previous Kennel conversations, the richness of not only his experience, but also his person. He knew the score – Kennel nights are not about what you do, but who you are. And so he didn’t speak so much about sustainability, his field of expertise for thirty years, but rather the sustainability of this passion, his story, and the lifelong curiosity that keeps him moving.

What we didn’t expect was the effort Michael took to stay true to the soul and philosophy of Kennel nights – looking back to connect the dots over more than five decades takes great strength of will and brutal introspection. And so he gave us the gift of honest and real vulnerability, going back to the roots of where he began and how it links to where he is today. This Kennel night was about both sustaining your passion, and finding it.

Michael’s story starts with a childhood couched in fear, violence, a feeling of helplessness, and an interminable, burning desire to constantly run away. And so he started his personal era of what he coins the Roaming Empire, where bibliotherapy and constant travel keep him grounded. He becomes a Roads scholar, drawn to the wilderness and open space, and the freedom of nomadic life. Somewhere in between wandering and reading, he finds a reason to stay (love), and turns this roaming drive within him into the engine for his work to come. Below are the lessons we gleaned from his story and insights:

KN-004: The pursuit of personal truth

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The questions we asked ourselves this Kennel night were tricky to say the least: What does it mean to be authentic? Why do we assume it’s a good and desired thing? How can one always be true to oneself whilst tied to our individual social responsibilities? Is authenticity a state of being, or a process of doing?

As always, there were no answers; there never is one right answer. What did come out of this evening though, was one of the most open and real Kennel nights; probably because in an environment where people talk about being real, and where the general group consensus values authenticity positively, there is acceptance and therefore, honesty.

KN-003: Bacteria, breastfeeding and balance

KN-003 took place on Nov 10. In the next week we’ll be finishing our coverage on the last 2 workshops, 1 seminar, and 3 Kennel nights – Yes, we’re a little behind!

How much of your body do you know? This third Kennel. night, Ravi took us through his personal journey of discovering the unique balance of his own ecosystem, and the reason why many times it bodes well for us to actively develop our own solutions instead of turning to the medical establishment. Suffering from an unknown condition that doctors puzzled at and repeatedly administered only antibiotics for, Ravi took matters into his own hands, studied the patterns of his own ailings, read up on the various sources and symptoms that he was experiencing, and experimented with his own solutions to alleviate his condition. Fast-forward to today and we find Ravi writing his own book about health, with theories conscientiously backed up by rigorous correlations and research. He is adamant that we all know less than we should about our own bodies, and that science is only a tool for us to achieve the balance we all need for healthy wellbeing.

Balance – clichéd but true, considering the fact that each of our bodies are an ecosystem unto itself, where we share space with bacterial and viral microbes that most of the time, remain benign. Only 10% of our cells are uniquely human; hence, what we recognize as good health is a continuous biological balancing act with parts holding value we may not now be able to explain. What Ravi means is this – if you’re doing something that feels good for you but can’t explain it, it doesn’t matter; science only goes so far and is often playing catch up. Keep doing what you need and what you feel keeps your balance. For example, it’s a truism that being outdoors and gardening makes you feel happier. But rather than the cause being sunlight or the colour green, Ravi’s groundbreaking research finds that it is a microbacteria in the soil that stimulates serotonin production in us. We should all stick our feet in buckets of mud.

Balance – it’s not about being ‘dirty / clean ‘, it’s about achieving just the right amount of both. If we live in too sterile an environment, our system, with nothing to fight, will turn inwards and fight itself. What however constitutes that suitable balance is something everyone needs to figure out for themselves – Jade, for example was amazed when she started breastfeeding about the big differences that tiny adjustments made in her diet – having a son and experiencing her body change in an ongoing experiment of what works and what doesn’t has made her understand the importance of ‘you are what you eat’. And so each shared about the tiny adjustments we have learnt to make in our daily lives to keep ourselves going: running while listening to music / encouragement / being around people you like / keeping yourself busy / turning to spirituality / shouting in the morning / giving gratitude when you wake up / giving blessings for all that you have / the stillness of dawn / being in greenery – all these prevent the mind from wandering and cleanses it at the same time.

So we started with bacteria, discussed breastfeeding (for longer than you might think – did you know that breastmilk is essentially modified sweat?), and ended up sharing individual philosophies on balancing life. Sometimes its about a pie-chart like division between ambition, family, physical and mental efforts, or about actually preferring some chaos, such as in Arif’s case where imbalance denotes being out of his comfort zone and thus growth. Whatever the case, as Hanna puts it, we all each find our own rhythm of struggle and rest. Missy encapsulated this spirit best, talking about the need to create opportunities to collide with unusual experiences and people. Diversity breeds richness and living in silos of sterile isolation turns us against ourselves, like Ravi’s analogy of the Roman army and our immune systems.

An interesting and full life is essentially a journey of collisions, where we find balance in that diversity. In order to find that balance, sensitivity, responsiveness, curiosity and experimentation are just what the doctor ordered.

KN-002: I expect respect = FAIL

One of the best things that happened at KN-002 was hearing the way it was described, as people explained why they were here. The two phrases that stuck were: a collation of wisdom; and, a modern day social salon. We’re starting to realize that a meaningful conversation is actually quite hard to find, and the space and time to allow for that seldom exists between the urgent ticks of our daily routines. That’s why people come to Kennel nights; to share and be heard, to listen and learn, to meet and wonder.

This thinking Thursday the theme was Human Leadership, in the context of the times we live in where methods of communication, ideas about democracy and individual power, and qualities of leadership are changing at the same pace as the technology that facilitates or challenges it. We wonder, are the questions the same regardless of the context?

And so this Kennel. night, So-Young went back to the basics of what it means to be human, sharing her journey and raw story about what it means for her and in her role as the founder of a leadership and business consulting firm. She spoke about coming out into the world as a glossy person – shiny on the outside, perfect. Compartmentalising herself – the self she was with her colleagues and people that needed to be impressed; the self with her family, who she allowed herself to be with her friends, and who she was when she was alone. We all develop blocks of dysfunction over the years, and these blocks pile up one after the other to build walls around us. Something happens that hurts us and in order to deny that vulnerability, another block goes up on this neverending wall.

So what’s this got to with human leadership? Leadership is not about one’s vulnerabilities, its about recognizing others’ weaknesses and strengths in relation to your mission and knowing how to manipulate them to a desired end. Right? Wrong – that’s management. Leadership is about a conscious recognition of values that requires one to clear all those boxes away and have a clear view, to see others not just for their behavior, but for their heart. Human leadership requires one to lead oneself first before leading others. And so we have to take down those boxes of dysfunction and break them down, open them, reconcile them and be aware of them, before we can continue.

Why does leadership take so much inward effort? Perhaps because we all need a leader that we can relate to, albeit in different ways – we do however need to view a leader in his or her multidimensional humanity in order to develop our own particular connection to them as a follower. Janie, a veteran in the fashion industry and familiar with the hoipolloi describes how the people at the top are often the most authentic and real – they no longer have anything to prove. Dennis commented that the basic most fundamental thing about a leader is that they simply care. LKY had no compunction about his boxes, dysfunctional or not; he did however, convey to his constituents a deep sense of caring.

Compare that definition to another opinion that in this day and age leadership must be crowdsourced and earned; any expected respect, fails. No need to cite any spring to demonstrate the point that technology, social media and the empowered new generation demand to be heard and accounted for. Leadership is about inspiring, emotionally connecting, knowing how to respond to others in different situations – situational and context driven, rather than the old school of trait theory. Was Steve Jobs a good leader? He was inspiring, drawing people into his famous ‘reality distortion field’, but did he care about those following him? By all accounts the guy was not a great boss. But is he a great leader simply by virtue of having incredible impact, because he transformed the way we live? Has he transformed the way we live?

A leader must have, besides charisma and conviction, a moral compass. Sanjay tells us about IQ, EQ, PQ and SQ – the last one being spiritual quotient. It’s the same as being aligned with your values – nothing to do with religion, more to do with how one relates to the world, and determining meaning and purpose in relation to one’s life.  This is what fuels conviction, convinces others to follow, and is a relentless source of energy, motivation and optimism.

At the end of the day, Severin brought us a little back to reality, opining that direct democracy is all well and good, but it doesn’t work everywhere. Thailand, for example (where he lives). Crowdsource your knowledge all you like, but at the end of the day a leader also has to make unpopular choices and get things done – it’s hard to argue with that.

What does this all mean for those aspiring to become leaders in their own right one day? Mom tells it like it is (Mom is Dennis’ mom, who brought her to Kennel night. We love that) – there is no one definition. It depends. On the situation, the people you want to reach out to, your timeframe and goals, the cultural context, yourself. So, be the leader you want leading you. That’s the most real choice we have.

 

 

 

KN-001: I’m not looking at you, I’m looking past you

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It’s befitting that the unofficial first Kennel night was about the F-word, and this official one is about The Big O. Unflagging optimism is one of the necessary traits of an entrepreneur. How else do you overcome people thinking you’re crazy, failing at least 3 times before succeeding, or the many mini/massive obstacles in the entrepreneurial journey? You need belief, and optimism.

And so Javier spoke to us about his journey of optimism, and his definitions of the word. For him optimism sounds like ‘a puffed up cartoon character’, probably because of the bright and shiny connotations of the word. Is it an attitude, acquired through experience/determination? Is it a personality trait, or can you learn it? Is too much optimism considered denial? Did you know that you can predict a person’s success in life by checking if they were smiling in their high school yearbook?

Let’s scale it down, break it down, and think about the root of the word: optimism = optimum + ism.  Optimum means peak, and ism refers to a belief system. And so, optimism means, simply, optimizing your beliefs. This is manageable. How do you optimize your beliefs? By acting on them.

And this is what everyone agreed on, even the self-proclaimed Pessimist in the room. That optimism is simply acting on your beliefs, moving on, and thinking in terms of practicality. It’s a coping mechanism for when we hit a roadblock. Think about what’s the alternative. Like what Kavi does, break it down into a practical, real assessment of the negative effects of the event. Always make action a first principle. Be accountable to yourself, meaning, never be a victim. Despite what most would consider a difficult childhood, Javier never saw it from a self-pitying perspective. It’s just the way it is; acceptance of your situation. So what are you going to do about it? Always have a handful of things and ideas as backup.

How is optimism cultivated? Jade talked about the neural connections of negativity – thinking in the same way forms mental pathways that are your ‘default’ modes of reaction. These mental pathways are formed from childhood experiences and environment; in order to change them one has to make active choices in the opposite manner, as disagreeable, unnatural or illogical as it feels to do so. It’s like the phenomenon of the phantom limb – you can train your mind to think in a certain way and therefore influence your own reactions.

And so where is Javier today on his journey of optimism? A man from Puerto Rico in Singapore, his motivation is not to compete, or achieve scale. He wants to create an experience and be recognized for adding value. His grandfather once told him, you don’t have to stick to just one thing. Just make sure you do it well. And that’s what he’s done: stuck to his values and roots, and executed concepts with a philosophy and vibe that is as authentic as he is. His company is called Soi group; soi in Thai means path, and also sounds like sawaii -  the Thai word for beautiful. And so Soi for him means the beauty of your path. It’s also an acronym for ‘series of intentions’. And ultimately, for Javier, optimism is about the execution of your intentions. About always having a larger purpose in mind that lifts you out of the muck and grime we get mired in the everyday, that motivates you to act. And so he leaves us with a quote from an urban poet: ‘I’m not looking at you, I’m looking past you’ – on a beautiful path.

 

 

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KN-000 captured

KN-000 : The F-word

Last night was our inaugural Kennel. night. We shared our passion for what we see the origins and future of Kennel. to be, and everyone began little by little, revealing their own journeys. A place to foster belief and self-belief (that mercurial fundamental of the entrepreneurial spirit); a community of dreamers; a support system providing the soft capital needed for success; a network of varied resources – we saw the potential of Kennel. reflected in this evening of co-creation.

We suggested the theme of KN-000 as co-creation because it was in a sense, a prototype. Inviting close friends and family only, it was a campfire circle of sharing, to set the tone for the future.

With no particular goal in mind, what we ended up talking most was the F-word, contributed by Javier:-

We should just eliminate the concept of Failure from our minds. It’s such a damning word, existing only because we reference other people’s achievements against our own and use those external benchmarks. Why don’t we just say, unsuccessful?

We need to reframe how we view failure – not as a state to be avoided but rather an experience to embrace. Antonia shared how from her private equity experience in the States, no fund would ever invest in an entrepreneur who hasn’t failed at least once. Failing, or being unsuccessful, is fundamental. It shows that you can bounce back, that you have what it takes (being unsuccessful) to get to your ideal goal (successful). It shows resourcefulness, resilience, flexibility, creativity, determination, and ultimately, self-belief. Because when you have failed by everyone else’s benchmarks and you’re swimming in a sea of tags assigned by society, the only thing left is self-belief.

And so, what counts as ‘self’ is always a process of searching. Newlyweds Patrick and Heidi have just started up a company together and are exploring ‘what they are’ in this context. Singapore is a very results-oriented place, whereas identity is always a dialogue; a series of interactions and experiences. Process, not result. Heidi shared how Germany’s guilds understand the importance of process, and building character.

Tradesman guilds would send young apprentices out into the world for two years, with nothing on their backs or to their names, to earn their way through life. They live by barter trade and an honor code that, if broken, results in their trademark earring (a way of identification) being ripped off. Essentially, they are put into an environment forcing ‘failure’ to learn what that tastes like. More importantly, they are forced to build character in these series of experiences, which will sustain them through life.

The cultural conversation is changing. Slowly, people are not referring to themselves only in terms of social labels (job title / nationality / gender / age / marital status) but in terms of their passions and how they express that. When introducing himself, John shared about how he is planning to cycle from America to Africa (there John, now you have to do it) as an awareness campaign about his organization which is starting a platform for open-source BoP (bottom-of-pyramid) higher education in West Africa. The fact that he is doing that tells you more about him than any job title would doesn’t it?

Finally, we also briefly shared more on our side about Project 1000 and the beginnings of a global angel network; we wanted to keep it bite-sized and down to an hour. In the end, people stayed and mixed, carrying on separate conversations and developing more connections. This is just the beginning.

Next week, same time, same place – join us for KN-001.